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Blind Love: by Seotsa ‘Soh’ Manyeli

It is a long and tedious journey to walk through the heart and find the meaning behind those strange and profound feelings we have at times. But the memory of a better life after the discovery of such a heart is worth the try – sometimes not, but we nonetheless continue to sail through those wanted fields of life.

I have heard when growing up that men do not cry, they would rather die and somehow I find that I cannot cope with this state of my life where I do not fully understand what is going on. I don’t want to die, but still I consider myself a man. I still am afraid of something I do not understand. It is a feeling of love that seems to be engulfing my life and like a hurricane taking me to places I do not know. But I find that I am still here and will stay for as long as there is something in me that wants to see the dawn of tomorrow, the beauty of rain, the tears of joy. However, I must admit that I am not as confident as I may appear on the outside. Life is hard and choices are difficult, yes, solutions are tentative and the cold of tomorrow, yet to show more of itself.

I wish it could be easy to go back to yesterday and do things without the judgement of others with consequences out of your mind for the end is always justified by the means. As we face away from tomorrow I find that I do understand life and its expectation of us for the values that have shaped us do say we should not cross that line that has made us better people in the past, but this hurricane that has masqueraded like a river says different. And as I keep asking for the answers from this long silence of time that looks like a river down a hill I hear only one sentence that claims that love is not true if one cannot risk having it. I want to risk and find happiness; but on the same I do not want to disappoint those who depend and trust in me. But I still remember that I also was born from a woman and I still learnt from the same heart that I was born to be touched – and loved.

As we look away from tomorrow we remember that at some time we were very much in love and now we look for something that will attest different to the sensations of those days that have been swallowed by the hurricane of time. So much has happened in our lives, we find ourselves now mature, wise and apparently convalescent with the lessons of life; and I discover that I have not learnt as much as I would like to. Wisdom is knowledge applied and through the lessons that we have encountered, the people we have kissed, the hearts we have broken, we should have learnt significant lessons that were supposed to carry us through this stream of choice and – of love. Let us not forget that we were born to be touched – and loved; if we still remember that then we have no reason to doubt the feeling that is carrying us through this passage of want. And yes, probably we are soul mates and maybe, just maybe God wants us to know what we feel and probably It has opened our eyes to see the road to it, but we are blinded by the hurricane of time that says different.

I am growing into a person who believes he is talented enough to come up with a story from an illusion into a live one. Through this turn of events I find that I am indeed as I have always hoped, to write for tomorrow and not for today. This digs a memory still in my mind and heart that my purpose of being here is to be touched – and loved, sometimes by the same words that I have written. It is excellence and genius running away from me like a mad man and I am still running after him and seeking to touch him. I know that I have sought you, for ages through open fields, throughout snowy mountains, wide rivers with no indication of where you were, what you were doing. I had nothing to carry me except my silent heart seeking something that will show it the beauty of life when love is the partner. I have found you and my heart is in joy now that you are in its life. It may be that you are in another part of the planet and I, alone here with memories that I will eventually be one with you when writing poetry or carrying a camera to the blue waters and wet rocks at the top of my mountains. I believe God loved me enough to make me a part of this mirage with diffident ends of a promise that refuses to unfold. I think I am in love. I have heard that love seeks naught for itself, only for others that it seeks to share its light with. But I do not understand why I still look away from tomorrow even though I remember that I was born to be touched – and loved.

As I sit here and listen to my heart begging my mind to give it only one chance of happiness; even if it will only be a moment I find that my happiness does not lie in the hearts of my dear friends, but in mine. To know that you are alive and this present feeling of acceptance to me is enough to make me a better individual. Love seeks that you share your completeness with another, which is what I want to do. Yes, sometimes the questions are just too damn difficult and the words from these frail hands that have written enough words in one lifetime do not have a spell to conclude. But I still remember why I am here; and why my heart seeks to share its light with yours. Yes, we were born to be touched – and loved by the same hands that today say different. But I find that my mind says, no, not now. Why would you want to hurt those you love? My heart tells me that the greatest fountain that made everything possible was the truth from the mind that created everything possible. It never sought to be anything except what it was. Love seeks to see itself as what it is. And the irony is that it was the same mind and the same heart that were seeking the same thing when they created the physical universe; and yes, you and me. It was from the heart that It made us on the image and the command that we are born to be touched – and loved. And it was from the song of the mind that we should always seek to be touched – and loved by the same…

I do not know whether these frail letters are for you or for me, but in retrospect I find that I am seeing something that is beyond the wonder of day, and the glory of night. My memories are intact with this hurricane running around this seemingly dark and dry desert that is full of rain that does not come. It is hungry for love that is abundant. With diffident sounds of this river hushing into tomorrow, we still seek something that will be evidence for us the reasons why we should not be happy, and I suppose we should not heed it. I think we should be strong and trust that what brought us together in the first place will bring us together to that centered feeling of acceptance to this something that we seek but do not have a name for. We have found love and we should celebrate and give it a home. So yes, let us look for tomorrow, it may be cold but it still has promises of a better life and a sunnier day.

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