Valerie Mokrane | Shame can be Mangoes

Nali knew that she had to eat the mangoes quickly and quietly. One mango, two mangoes… four. Yesterday she had eaten some of the oranges, but their acidity had gnawed at her stomach and teeth, making her uncomfortable and a little ill. Mangoes were a worthy target and they were quite filling. Oranges needed an accompaniment, something like peanuts, to make them a meal. But mangoes? Mangoes were a meal unto themselves.

The mango juice dripped down her elbows and, drop by drop, fell onto her toes. The juice brought some colour to her feet which had been turned grey by a combination of a lack of lotion and playing in the grey sand. She would have to wash off her feet to prevent anyone from finding out that she had feasted on the mangoes again. Just last week her mother had warned her not to help herself to the fruit again. “Wait to be given such things,” her mother had said.

As she finished off the mango, with its stringy bits stuck between her teeth, she felt satisfied that no one would ever find out that there were now four fewer mangoes on the tree. Her wave of satisfaction was disrupted by a voice from the other side of the wall.

“You, girl. You by the tree. Yes, you.”

“Yes?” she responded, turning and taking a closer look at the source of the voice. Two women, a man and a girl. She waited for them to say what they wanted.

“Are you coming or what?”

“Is there an adult in the house?” the man continued. “Where is your mother? Your father?”

“Only Mama is here,” Nali replied tentatively.

“Call her for us, my girl,” said the big woman.

“Who shall I say is here for her?” Nali asked.

“Just say some people want to see her,” the big woman said. “We will wait here for her.”

As Nali skipped towards the house, she thought about the tension she had felt from the group. The tall woman standing next to the big woman had seemed impatient, irritated and angry even. The man had red eyes and he held the girl standing next to him too tightly. Was the girl shivering? Had someone died? Had there been an accident?

Her mother came out and slowed down when she saw the group. “Who are these people?” she muttered. Her mother ventured a greeting and followed with a “How can I help you?”

“We have a package for you,” the man answered, jaw tense. He seemed ready to shout. Was he mad? Nali wondered. Were these four just a bunch of crazy people with nowhere to go?

“A package?” Nali’s mother repeated, pausing to let the speaker finish. The shivering girl had started sobbing.

“You shush!” the tall woman spat. “If anyone should be crying, it is me. Me! Who wasted money on you, Senzeni. I could be doing other things, but I am here with you, in front of strangers, demeaning myself.”

With those words the girl looked down, although Nali could still see her shoulders heaving.

Nali’s mother looked at them expectantly. “It might be better if we speak inside,” the big woman ventured. “This is a sensitive matter and it will be better to talk about it sitting down.”

“My husband is not home and if only you could tell me what this is about,” Nali’s mother responded carefully.

“Please, let us sit down like adults,” the man said, looking more and more irritated, his eyes looking even more red.

“Very well. Come in.”

The strangers entered. Nali was beside herself with excitement. This was the most exciting thing she had been part of in a long time. She hoped no one would chase her away for being too young to listen to adult things. She sat gingerly and watched everything, hoping to stay as invisible as possible.

She learned that the man was the girl’s uncle, angry because the school fees he had paid for the girl all these years had gone to waste. The big woman was the girl’s aunt, and she kept reminding everyone that Senzeni was just a child. The big woman’s calmness grated on the others. The tall woman was the big woman’s older sister, and she had a right to be angry because the girl, Senzeni, was her eldest child and only daughter.

Nali watched as her mother played the role of cautious hostess to these people who were not like normal guests. Normally, guests would take sips of tea or Coca-Cola and make themselves at home. These people tried very hard not to be comfortable, they refused to interact with the house as if they were afraid the house would stain them in some way.

Nali’s father arrived soon after. That was when she learned why the strangers were here.

They had come because her father had made Senzeni pregnant. Pregnant. With a real baby inside her. Nali pondered. Maybe she just had a sore tummy and her family was confused. Yes, everyone was confused, Nali thought. Soon they would realise that they had made a mistake, the girl would stop crying, her mother would stop being upset and she could go back to daydreaming about mangoes and what she would eat tomorrow. Her brother Fanuel was coming to visit, and he had promised to bring her some KFC. Imagine he came and found these crazy and confused people still here. She would have to share her KFC with everyone. No, these confused people had to go.

When asked about the baby, Nali’s father fidgeted and averted his eyes. “Do not ask me questions like I am a child.”

“Do you know her?” Nali’s mother cried. “Is this baby yours, father of Fanuel?”

“Shut up!” he snapped. “How can you ask me such a thing?”

His eyes were aflame with rage and was that disgust Nali saw on his face? It was clear Senzeni and her family were not welcome here. Senzeni’s uncle was not backing down.

“How can you tell us to be quiet after you have ruined our daughter like this? She is just a child, not that much older than your daughter, this one,” he said, pointing at Nali.

Nali knew that her invisibility cloak was now torn. Attention shifted to her.

“Stand up,” the uncle ordered. “You too, Senzeni.” They stood. “How are they so different?” he asked. “One is a little older, yes, but how would you like it if someone did to your daughter what you have done to ours?”

Nali’s father stood up too. “I want you people to leave,” he growled. “You are making noise, coming here with this girl and trying to say that I did this and that. Leave.”

“Do you know our daughter?” the stout woman shouted. “Do you accept that this pregnancy is yours?”

Nali’s mother begged her husband to answer in between sobs. What followed was a lot of back and forth, accompanied by shouting and crying.

Senzeni was not going back home, her family insisted. She was pregnant and that now made her someone’s woman. But Nali’s mother refused, there was no space. She was already the wife and woman of this house. Besides, Senzeni was a whore, a marriage wrecking child wh…

Nali’s father slapped her before she could finish her sentence. She howled, surprised and in pain. Senzeni’s uncle surged forward, his face furious.

“Touch her again and I will show you the man you think you are,” he bellowed, pointing a trembling finger at Nali’s father.

For a moment no one moved. The room held its breath. Nali’s father stepped back, startled but still defiant, muttering curses and looking wild-eyed.

Senzeni clutched her stomach as if to protect the child inside from the chaos. She had tried to look at Nali’s father to see whether his eyes still held the tenderness he had shown her when he had called her the most beautiful girl in the world. He refused to give her the satisfaction of looking her way.

Nali, still standing beside Senzeni, stared. She noticed how Senzeni looked very small up close. No bosom, no rounded hips. Nothing like a woman. Senzeni did not look like someone carrying life. She was just like her.

Senzeni’s aunt stepped between the men. “Enough,” she said. “We did not come here to fight. We came for responsibility. Dignity. An answer.”

Nali’s mother dabbed at her slightly swollen cheek, eyes wet with tears. “And what do you expect me to do?” she asked, her voice cracking. “Where will I put her? Where will we sleep?”

“She can sleep with Nali,” Senzeni’s aunt answered

“You mean that thing must sleep with my daughter? I did not bring a child into this world to be corrupted by whores who sleep with married men,” Nali’s mother replied.

A silence settled over them again, this time heavier and more apprehensive. Senzeni’s mother was looking at her daughter. Her expression was part rage, part disappointment and part grief.

“I told you,” she said flatly. “I warned you. Look at you now. You have received the reward that you wanted.”

Senzeni’s eyes welled up again. She did not speak and the tears fell down her face.

Then Nali’s father turned suddenly. “She can stay,” he said. Everyone turned to him, surprised. “She can stay for now,” he repeated, his voice like rusted metal. “But I am not admitting to anything until I see proof. And she stays out of my wife’s way.”

Senzeni’s uncle looked like he wanted to say more, maybe to yell or to fight, but the tall woman held him back. “We have received what we came for,” she said, patting his shoulder.

“We did not,” he snapped. “This man is supposed to pay for the damage he has inflicted on our daughter. I hate him. I know men like this, losers who do mischief. He has cheated her of a life. I hate him.”

“We came to hand over the shame. And now it is theirs,” the tall woman said.

“He still needs to pay damages once the baby is born,” Senzeni’s uncle said with finality, turning to leave.

The stout woman pulled Senzeni into a final hug. “Be strong, my girl,” she whispered.

Then she looked at Nali’s mother. “Help her if you can. One woman to another. Please.”

Nali’s mother hissed back, “Take her with you if she needs help that much. I will do what I want. This is my home after all.”

The group walked out and Nali watched the door close behind them. The silence left behind was sharp and hard.

Her mother turned toward her. “Take her to your room. She will sleep on the floor.”

Senzeni followed Nali in silence.

That night Nali lay awake in bed, listening to the unfamiliar rhythm of Senzeni’s breathing. A soft hiccup broke the stillness, sounding like a muffled cry trying not to be heard. Nali turned slightly.

“It is okay,” she whispered into the dark. “I cry sometimes too.”

Senzeni said nothing but her crying stopped.

The mango tree swayed quietly outside the window and somewhere in the distance, a rooster crowed, too early for morning.

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Image: ChatGPT remixed