“Your Most Royal Lobotomy of the *AGULDER GALAXY, the defence calls its first witness to this most esteemed gathering – the Emperor Insignificant of the SHELLING ESTATE ENTERPRISE OF THE PLANET EARTH”
And with those innocuously worded words, there began one of the most land-marked cases of the Quantum Pillory Era. A case that broke the deadlock of whether real estate in the Ray Nebulae section of the Solar System (in which the Earth existed) could be acquired to become territorial property of any desirous entity that was decidedly capable of acquiring such real estate, whether it be for commercial or private purposes.
(Em… my lawyer did ask me to try to use less legal words in this discourse for reasons I will explain later, so I really will try, but as you will see later, the reason for my love of legalese is because we are related. The law and I, that is. More on that later, for now I will just have a quick sip of Bhia and continue with the tale of the AGULDER GALAXY versus THE SHELLING ESTATE OF THE PLANET EARTH)
*AGULDER GALAXY – The term Milky Way Galaxy had been discarded in AD2255 after a combined exploratory team from Planet Earth and the Planet Populous from the Oink Nebulae had discovered around the cosmic belt close to the Milky Way Galaxy Runway, actual traces of a substance once known as Milk on the Earth Planet. Considering Milk was by then an extinct and indeed hated substance in the Galaxies the Universe over, an intergalactic delegation had presented a proposal to the Intergalactic Session of Friends (a contentious title but more on that later) which had assigned the matter to its GALAXY COMMUNICATIONS UNIT which had come up with the brilliant idea of renaming the Milky way Galaxy, the AGULDER GALAXY in honor of the legendary AGULDER. If I tell you any more we’ll never get to continue this story)
* * *
It was an unbelievably large hall with a roof that stretched 2000 feet up in to the…eh…atmosphere. It was an open roof affair, to be sure and it was being held in space. Literally.
Thanks to Quanta.
Well, the mysteries of Quantum physics had finally been unravelled no less mysteriously and by no less a prodigy than Alexander the Hack, who historical facts and not legend, confirm that at a miserly age of 4 years and 4 months, while playing with his fathers advanced gyroscope (which em..legend has it the old man merely kept in his haute couture sex chambers for its aesthetic qualities!) had been hit on the head by a baby android T-rex called Bertrand. Such an awful name to give something that was to be the stimulant to previously unreachable vistas…of glory…of power…of dominance…and exploration!
But making history is never a straight forward affair and so, Bertrand the baby android T-rex (Oh! But yes! Bertrand was an android baby tyrannosaurus – quite the fad those days was to litter the house with toy replicas of historic creatures from some time in mankind’s ancient beginnings) while shaking his rump to Michael Jackson’s Dirty Diana, had accompanied a strong guitar riff with a strong hop in the air landing on baby Alexander’s head who was coming to see what the racket was about.
Now landing on baby Alexander was one thing, releasing a monstrous incapacitating odour was another but that was it: Baby Alexander screamed as Bertrand thumped his flesh covered metallic behind onto his head, Bertrand screamed as baby Alexander screamed and then farted so monstrously in shock that baby Alexander was in a coma for days on end and the first thing he said when he came out of the coma were the formulas central to the keys to breaking the Quantum puzzle which had pre-occupied the best minds of the A.D era who had only tapped the briefest of uses of Quantum.
The rest is history, quantum physics now completely broken became the unchecked catalyst for scientific and cultural development so fast even Bertrand the Farter could never have deduced from his programmed circuitry course: Humans: A study of improbability, on what to expect from human behavior in the 100 years he was expected to live as companion to Alexander since humans were not exactly in abundance on Placibus, one of the satellites placed into orbit around Venus. What! You thought baby Alexander was on earth? Earth had become after World War 5, a radiation wasteland shrunk into half its size and from which the survivors of earth had been spirited to human colonies in *NUPTA World making irrelevant the use of the anachronistic ‘A.D.’ description.
Anyhow, things had advanced so far and wide technology and thought were largely married together allowing mental effort create traction fields and do such impossible wonders as holding up a venue in space.
*My lawyer just told me, the Publisher of this appeal case report you are reading, said the author said to tell you the reader, to see his more serious story – Escape from Delilah-Search for NUPTA for full details of that calamity. Back to the story!
The esteemed guests at the celebrated case of THE AGULDER GALAXY v THE SHELLING ESTATE would have noticed a huge space cruiser some hundred meters to the venue, but wouldn’t have noticed inside the ship the presence of hundreds of men in black earth suits who were sweating from mental effort exerted as they used their advanced intellect to hold the traction fields keeping the structure of the venue in place, in space. Phew! Glad I wasn’t an Alkaloid but more on that later.
(c) Dayo Adefila